I’ve been taking a bit of a break from the blog over the last couple of weeks as I’ve been trying to get back on track and not making food and eating disorders the centre of my life.
Now this might not be what you were expecting, but today I want to celebrate eating junk food.
Back in my eating disorder days I would crave chocolate, and sweets, and crisps, and fries soooo bad…but I wouldn’t let any of that pass my lips. I would be so fixated on any junk food in the room that I wouldn’t be able to look at the person I was with because instead I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes off the cake.
In my eating disorder days I would spend ages looking up ways to lose weight. One time I came across “clean eating”. However as I researched more, I realised the clean eating movement was so much more than just losing weight. It was about not restricting calories and focusing on how natural foods were full of nutrients and all the things we need to thrive. It inspired me to eat more, and learn to love food again. I discovered lots of blogs where people LOVED eating, and their bodies loved them for it! I finally realised that it was possible to have a healthy relationship with food, and that I could have just that.
It took time and therapy to get to where I am today, but now I eat over 3 times as many calories as I used to. I eat a whole range of foods. And that now includes junk food. At points I never thought I’d say this, but I eat junk food without even a second thought! I know not to eat too much of it (though sometimes I do..hello all the yummy Christmas foods in December!) and I feel my body become less happy when it doesn’t get nourished with nutritious food. But I no longer panic or stress – I take each mouthful as it comes.
If it wasn’t for finding out about “clean eating” then I would never have had the motivation to get better. And for me, eating a varied diet balancing healthy foods with processed foods, is my version of recovery.