Have you ever head people saying how they’ll be able to love themselves once someone loves them? They feel that once they have a boyfriend or girlfriend to tell them that they’re beautiful then everything will just fall into place..
I know I’ve fallen into this trap a ridiculous number of traps. But realistically…its all bullsh*t.
First of all, why should we wait?! Why should we put our happiness in the hands of someone else? Why should we allow someone else to define our self-worth? We know ourselves better than anyone so surely we should be looking out for ourselves and telling ourselves how beautiful we are. We should know how to show ourselves love right now, rather than waiting until we meet a special someone. Otherwise think of all this wasted time of self-hatred, feeling unworthy and unlovable. Not only will getting to a place of positive self-esteem make our lives all the better (not to mention is what we deserve!), but when we do meet our other half it will enable us to shine all the more to them.
Secondly (and this nugget I’ll give you for free!), even if you meet someone who constantly tells you how amazing you are, if you don’t love yourself it will mean nothing. You’ll constantly let your self-doubt creep in, making you question and over-analyse EVERYTHING! If they choose to go out with their friends one night you’ll think it’s because you’re not enough fun. If they fall asleep in front of the TV you’ll think it’s because you’re boring. Every little thing they do will make you feel insecure or worried. This is something I do all.the.time. I over-analyse everything, thinking anything possible might be a sign that I’m not good enough or that my boyfriend doesn’t love me (even when all other signs suggest nothing of the sort). This just ends up with so much unnecessary stress, arguments and wasted time that could be spent being relaxed and happy. As my opinion of myself has increased it’s only helped our relationship get stronger.
Finally, you may not always end up with the right person. Sometimes we get in relationships that aren’t right for us. And when all of our indicators of self-worth are tied up in that other person then when the relationship with them ends or goes through a tough patch we feel like it’s because there’s something wrong with us, that we’re unlovable. It’s so easy to believe, but yet so completely untrue. Sometimes things just don’t work: you’re not as compatible as you’d both thought; the situation is not right; you’re just at different stages of life. It will hurt right now, but you have to remember that you are amazing and totally deserving of love – from someone else, but most importantly from yourself.
Yes, relationships and partners can bring so many amazing feelings, but we shouldn’t be relying on them to build our self-worth. It’s so important that we know our own self-worth, that we love ourselves and take care of ourselves. Each and every one of us has so much to celebrate about ourselves and we should be doing this RIGHT NOW, not when someone else tells us we’re worthy.
P.S. What the quote says about not deserving love…well that’s bullsh*t too. We all deserve love and we should all recognise that
What do you think of the quote? Has there been a time where it’s been helpful to have the support of someone else?