How many times have we heard the phrase “you are what you eat”?
To most people that relates to health. If we eat good, nutritious, high quality foods, we’ll feel good. If we eat junk food we’ll feel pretty rubbish.
However if you’ve had issues with your eating you can become so obsessed that your eating habits define you. You feel your value depends on what you’ve eaten that day. You feel like your eating habits are so all-consuming that you lose your entire personality.
This has been one of the hardest things since starting the healing process from my disorder. As my disordered habits got less and less I felt there was a massive void being left behind, which should be filled with lots of “me” – things that I liked doing, my opinions – but instead I felt like I’d lost my personality. Eating, or rather not eating, had defined my life. There hadn’t been any room for anything else.
Despite talking about this before, rebuilding this personality is something I don’t feel I’ve fully succeeded at. People ask me what I like to do, and I can’t reply with any confidence. When it comes to the weekend I sometimes draw a blank about what to do with myself, because I don’t know what I enjoy. I feel I have no definition, am boring, and am at risk of just drifting through life.
Learning who you are – what’s important to you; your values; what makes you get excited – is an ongoing journey for everyone. Your likes and dislikes will also change over time. It’s my 27th birthday on Thursday, and I intend on making this a year of self-discovery, a year of finding myself outside of my body shape and eating habits. To start me off my therapist has asked me to bring an object that represents me to my final session next month. I’m excited for this challenge and hope it will be another step in the right direction to discovering myself!